Heartbreaks and Heartaches

"It's a heartache, nothing but a heartache, hits you when it's too late, hits you when you're down."

- Bonnie Tyler was right about it all along. ALL OF IT!!

But when is a heartache just too much to take? Is it when tears brim your eyes and you just smile through them pretending you're crying with laughter? Is it when you look into every strangers' eyes hoping to feel something in the place where no only numbness resides? Or, is it when you just need to sit alone in the dark trying to re-live the memories hoping that the last shred of feeling doesn't turn into rage, anger and even more pain? 
We all have our thresholds and we all prefer to keep them at bay, however sometimes you just snap and your feelings start burning a hole in your soul, eating away at it little by little. The shards of  your fragile heart spreading faster and faster until it's irreparable. The tears flowing for some 'unknown' reason at the time.
It's easy to say "Forget them all, there is always someone who loves you", but you don't want someone else to love you, you want THEM to love you.  Y wan hem  feel he same way y are.You hope with all your might they might feel a sliver of what you're feeling but then you resign yourself knowing that even though you tried to believe otherwise, he never really care for you and you were more in love with the sand castles built in stormy weather than anything else.
I am writing this on a recycled piece of paper from underneath my bed at 1 am because he thoughts just wouldn't let me sleep. It felt like a million voices of people who have felt the same, shouting in my head; "I told you so and you wouldn't listen." You think I'm unfeeling? Have you ever thought that maybe it just might have been you who made me this way with your bullshit attitude, hoping that I would fall for your stupid charm?
That's it. I'm done. I have been taken to the edge, and the foggy plummet of loneliness seems more endearing than all this. I'd rather be numb. I'd rather be cold. I'd rather be seemingly unfeeling rather than hurt people spitefully like you do, just so you try and prove a point. You are a coward. You will never amount to anything because you think that nobody deserves you, because you have dug such a deep hole of self-conceit that you don't even see the light anymore.
I hope you have a lovely life, out of mine and out of my sight.

(Originally written on 14/07/13. Please forgive me if it might be a bit too pessimistic, but I found it very cathartic.)

“This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love



Check out this song by Marina and the Diamonds -http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hig5uLy2fe0. xx

So Kiss Me :*

How important is it to kiss someone? What if you never do and never feel the need to? Does it mean you're not attracted enough to the person? Was Andy Warhol correct when he had said that when it doesn't happen it makes everything more exciting?

I believe that kissing someone not only shows you're attracted, but it also shows a certain affection towards that individual. I am not talking about the full on washing_machine_tongue_down_someones_throat kissing, apart from the fact that I am NOT a fan of that, I'm plainly saying, going up to a friend and just planting a peck on their lips and hugging them tightly. Granted, I'm not going to do it to everyone or just anybody but is it really that bad? Since when do we live in a world where a kiss means sex?
Now, I am not someone who just spreads affection around believe me, I'm your typical cold person who refuses to speak to someone if she doesn't like them. But over the part months I keep finding myself having these arguments with people who just assume that just because a person kissed them, then the person is physically attracted to them. Could it be that this person is just looking for some affection you just happened to be standing in the way?? Could it be that this person really thinks you're an amazing person and just wanted to show you just how much you mean to them??

Bottom line is, there are kisses and then there are Kisses. Learn to tell the difference.

When you kiss a person because you find them adorable or just entertaining, the kiss is light, not laden with heavy emotions or romance and normally it wouldn't even involve a tongue at all. So please tell the difference and don't go walking around bragging that someone kissed you if they didn't. 

You might be asking yourself what brought this on...hahhaha well apart from the discussions I mentioned previously, it's also a few articles I came across in some of my teenage magazines that I cleaned out this morning nicely titled "9 types of kisses decoded", "Learn how he feels from his Kisses" and "Is he in love? His kisses will tell you what you need to know". I mean, really?? First thing that all these articles say it that if he kisses you he likes you, he wants you blah blah blah.
At this age where you've seen them all and kissed all the frogs who never turned into Princes you will learn that A) everyone kisses in a different way and the only place a first kiss will be absolutely perfect is in fairy tales and Hollywood movies B) when the person is not into you anymore he WILL kiss differently and C) if you want to know how a person feels about you, ASK THEM!!!
I'd say that's simple enough.

One last plea I have, and I know people who know me are thinking it, I am not being pessimistic, I'm being realistic. 


“The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss.” 
― Jarod Kintz

When the Universe gives you the finger...

I've said this many times...The Universe is one cold-hearted bitch who needs to get laid, but I still love her. Its like having a fight with your mum over some insignificant 'thing' or the incessant nagging, yet at the end of the day you still kiss her and say you love her.

So lets give the Universe a name shall we...I'll call her LOLA...that is a strong woman's name don't you think??? Big and strong waving her thick index finger and snapping Zs with that "Helll to the No" attitude, doing WHATEVER she likes, WHEN she likes, HOW she likes hahahaa.

Well Lola has been nudging me lately...did I say nudging? Ok I meant slapping me...in the back of my head...with the rings of Saturn.

Well, thing is this, a few weeks ago I was having a 'tiff' with someone by messages and when I saw it just couldn't have gotten any worse I just deleted all the messages to make sure I don't look at them in any way, but Lola had other ideas. I woke up the next morning and when I was looking through my phone I saw that I had a good 8 or 9 PHOTOS, screen shots, of the messages. Don't ask me how it happened cause I don't even know how to do that on my phone but it happened.

Same happened after a long discussion over friendship when the next day 2 quotes showed up on my daily horoscope, "When two friends become lovers it's love, but when two lovers become friends that's maturity." *Bang* "When two lovers become friends it either means they're still in love or never were from the start" *Bang Bang*, and there Lola blew on her smoking guns, smiled her wicked little smile, and walked off.

It's funny looking back on it cause we never see these things coming but when they happen, it's like one of those "the call is coming from inside the house" moments and you just realise it might just work out.

And a funny thing happened to another friend of mine just this week. But, a little bit of background information first. This girl has had this huge crush on a best-friend/ex-friend of hers whom she's known for a good part of 8 or 9 years. His {fake} name is Lenny and his favourite band is Coldplay, whom she used to love because of him.
Ok, so he had just walked into and stepped out of her life again (for the umpteenth time) and she was positive she was over him, until, Lola decided to give her the finger. She was teaching an English class and the listening section was about a Radio show and making dedications to someone, the song "just happened to be" Coldplays' 'Yellow' (his favourite song). Come the evening she was watching T.V. and her mum turned it to a channel to watch  a new series and it just so happened that one of the main characters was not only called Lenny, but had the exact same surname as well.

Is it our dear Lola telling us not to give up on these people?? Does she really want us to get hung up on them knowing too well that they're not worth our time and effort?? Or is she just kicking us when we're down??

Well what I tell you is, take notice of these things but don't give them too much importance because at the end of the day, we make our own destiny and Fate can go suck it for all I care, Lola too. And taking up from something a friend told me once, and it works, 'if you send good energy to the Universe, it will send it right back'.

So let me leave you with a thought for today; "Follow your bliss and the Universe will open doors where there were walls" // Joseph Campbell

And here's Max Black's 'Suck-It-Face' to prove it!!!

Till next time!!!! :D hahaahaha

All's well that ends with friendship?

How do we get ourselves into these things?? And I'm referring this question to all women here. We look at someone, think he looks decent and then refuse to believe our own heads when he turns out to be a total douche. Not only that but we let them infuriate us to such an extent that as soon as this IT opens its mouth to breathe...we want it to be his last.

• Ever felt that way about someone?? I feel you sister *Hugs*
• Never felt that way?? Either you're an amazon princess with no men present or you're on some good meds (tell me what you're on please)

It's true what they say, that as soon as you start hating a person, everything about them starts to annoy you, but this is too much!!

Hahahah I'm having quite a rant and I do apologize but this particular person even gets on my nerve endings' last nerve - if you know what I mean - but I just spent 4 hours fighting it out and decided we should just be friends. Now I ask you...can a guy and a girl who were just fooling around just be friends after it all?

NO I tell you NO!!! (I really should be taking this more seriously though hahahah)

In all honesty I've actually calmed down since I started writing this post...4 days have passed...and I feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, a boulder removed from my chest - words said and given away have served like a heimlich to every repressed feeling I might have had and I'm not suffocating on them anymore. It might also be the fact that I now have a way of describing IT - not a friendship, not a relationship and only a few conversations away from "Last Tango in Paris". hahahahaha and yes I laugh as I remember my mum's face while she was watching it with me the other night.

Well case stands that I cannot stay angry at this longer than a couple of hours, cause quite frankly I feel that after all said and done it was doomed right from the start even though I thought we'd be able to go through it without a glitch and very effortlessly we'd move on and smile at each other from opposite sides of the room remembering a smile, a laugh or a joke...nothing more...nothing less.

You might be thinking I'm a hopeless romantic right at this point, am I right? hahhaa Yes, I am. You're right. I'm a woman and I'm a hopeless romantic but I try to hide it. But I love myself and no one deserves to have me if they don't even try to bring out the best and worst in me.

Giving up is looking as quite an attractive option but I'll try and hold on a little longer and see how it goes...after all St Patrick's Day is round the co'ner and it's the friendliest night of the year so anything can happen ;)

So my thought for the day is; “Look for the heart in a man before you look at what he has.” // Jonathan Anthony Burkett.

Drink responsibly and be safe for St. Paddy's xx

Back with a vengeance!!!

I cannot believe how long it's taken me to come back to my blog again! Between Christmas and New Years' celebrations and a month of exams I completely lost track of everything...I even forgot my password. But then again that's not a big surprise cause, quite frankly, my memory has gone down to that of a goldfish these days. I'm afraid it has actually hit now that I'm nearing the darker side of my 20s.

Oh let me tell you, these last 2 months have been less than memorable and quite frankly I'd rather keep them out of my mind for good. I started the year with one of the worst hangovers ever. I had promised myself "No hangovers" but nope, I just dove right in there and drank everything I could find. It was a lovely gathering in the open air and it was pretty cold but once it got started, it turned out to be quite quaint. What, in my opinion, made my hangover worse was the fact I had a certain someone with me who unfortunately spoke incessantly (about what I am not quite sure) and insisted on dropping his pants ever so often (every 5 mins). I mean what is it with some men and dropping their pants when they get drunk? Do you think we really want to see THAT if we're off our faces and feeling ever some what nauseated already? Anyway, the evening went without a glitch and we had a good laugh, but the following morning was hell on earth.

SO this is my advice to future me, less than a year from now; 1) You're 26, try to act your age. 2) Acting your age doesn't mean acting like grandma, but don't get caught drunker than most 18 year olds at the party. 3) Give up on younger men, you always say you don't date men your age cause they're immature, YET you end up with 22 year olds who can't hold their liquor.
I know that, as happens, I will read this advice, start off on the right foot but then let it slip after a month or two...in fact what I was just thinking at this very second was; "I need to get drunk on St. Patrick's Day". I will never learn! hahaha

I hope everyone had a good beginning to the year (I'm still waiting for mine to be honest) and if you didn't, Chin Up Kids and just remember there will always be a happy ending for us somewhere no matter what anyone says. I am usually one of those who doesn't believe in happy endings but I am also one to believe in dreaming and projecting a better future for ones self. So dream BIG because if your dreams don't scare you, you're not dreaming big enough :)

I leave you here for today with this thought; “A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.” // Oscar Wilde